Monday, April 03, 2006

Nice to Jerk

I didnt write this but I feel him......


Women are always saying how they want a nice guy…someone who will open up to them, spend time with them, do nice things for them, in general, be there for them.

Bullshit.

Next time I hear that from a woman, I will say exactly that. Bullshit. Because you don't want the nice guys. Sure, you can say you do all you want, and maybe you can trick yourself into believing it too. But the truth is - you want the jerks. You want the guys who show an interest in you, then back off for no apparent reason. You want the guys who don't call you for two weeks, and when they do they swear up and down they're committed to you. You want the ones who don't talk to you, don't open up at all (and you want to change them to boot!) If you do find a nice guy, you make sure he's unattainable. He has a girlfriend, or he's gay, or he doesn't want a relationship at all. Basically, you want what you can't have.

You know how I know this? I used to be a nice guy. Yeah, I'm the one you always come running to when the jerks screw you over. I listen to your problems, I offer advice. Like all nice guys before me, and the countless ones after, I'm always there to back you up. I tell you how pretty you are. I tell you how fun it is to spend time with you, how cool you are, how you deserve great things. You say thanks, briefly, and then continue to rant about Jerk #2873.

I tell you over and over that you deserve a better guy, and there's always that "but…". Then you call me up at 1 in the morning some night just to tell me how he finally called you after two weeks, and how happy it's made you. You make excuses for why he's been ignoring you. You make more plans to change him. "If." And, do you know what the worst part is? This is the guy you're attracted to. This is the guy you're willing to get physical with. This is the guy you're willing to lose your virginity to. You make a big deal about how you're not a slut, and you won't just kiss any guy. But you admit that you would go all the way with this guy. Or you want to. Or, you already have.

No, you don't want a nice guy. And don't give me that bullshit about "a good man is hard to find." There are millions of them out there. Probably hundreds around where you live. And I'm willing to bet you know a few. You know that guy you call at any hour at night to talk about your relationship triumphs/problems? The one who always compliments you, makes you feel better about yourself? Is always willing to drop whatever he's doing to satisfy your needs?

What about him? No, of course not him. He's not enough of a jerk for you.

And the worst part? You don't want him now…but you will. When you get older, oh, say 30, and the ticking of your biological clock gets louder and louder, and you realize you can't play these bullshit games anymore, you stop going for the jerks and find the closest nice guy you can find. Wait, I take that back, the absolute worst part is that we let you do it. We've been starved for your attention since puberty, and now we're all too happy to get it. We're nice guys too, so we accept you when you come around, instead of giving you the cold shoulder in return you've been giving us for 15 years.

I used to be a nice guy. Fuck that. I took the phone calls, I dished out the compliments, I listened, I gave so much advice, shit, I should have a doctorate in psychology conferred to me right this instant. I used to be a nice guy, and I figured that I didn't need to actively look for a girl - that if I just got to know people, some girl would get to know me and really like me and develop an interest in me. I thought that I would make for an ideal partner, I'd open up with you, and be there as much or as little as you wanted me to.

I used to be a nice guy. What did that get me? 21 years of my right hand and softcore porn on Showtime. So, fuck it. Fuck it entirely. I'm not going to try to meet women and get to know them, and to hell with the phone calls at one in the morning. Next time you start bitching to me over the fact that he hasn't called in a week, I'm just going to smile at you and say "Ok." In fact, maybe, I'll tell you to call him. Better yet, go over to his house, and drop your pants for him right this moment. Save us all some time. I feel the desire to be that good, dependable, caring friend slipping rapidly away.

And I like that.

5 comments:

Liz said...

actually, most of the "good girls" i know seem to go for "bad guys" all the time ... while most of the 'bad girls' fall for good guys a lot of the time. opposites attract?

pretty random comment.. hehe


anyway, good guys score. =)

belle said...

but before that,thinks to herself one night that she shall visit jonotheFooo's blog,& ikidunot(!) there's not just one short-stunted-circumsized post but a FEW goodguy Vs badass ones.

FRRRRRREEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWW!!

ch@rm said...

hmm sadly i do not agree entirely with tat blog. there r decent girls out there who prefer decent guyz.

anyhow, those girls u mention are juz some of the b*tches who like to hav a "float" around whenevr d jerk iz mean to them. hell yea i get a lot of those b*tches/sl*ts callin up my bf in mid of nite to listen to their crap shit.
n u noe wat...he then complaintz to me. i hav enough of those baloney. n wats more if those jerk still stay being a jerk...he has to be the "other" guy, which, excuse me, we both r so sick of. girls, get the f**k off my bf. go srew ur own jerk. u picked him. u live wit tat choice. period.

kono said...

invite the girl over to your place then show her how a nice guy behaves. tell her there is no commitment but whenever you feel like it, we can have a brief backstab session and then a crotchstab session in no time. but of course, if your are attached, you shouldn't exclude your girlfriend from the fun.

Leon said...

I can tell you from personal experience that the charming jerk is the one with all the hot babes.

Jono is RIGHT ON on this one.

Way to go, dude.