When you look back to the days of your schooling life, what do you see? Were you cramming hours into studying for your SPM, STPM, and examinations and attending extra curricular activities and being a good ol' boy scout ? I will say this straight to your face. I'm sorry to say that such a mundane daily routine cannot be considered a typical school life of a student. You're boring, nerd.
However if you see yourself having a heck of a time with your friends, soaked in mischief, pranks and, building relationships and having a great time together, you have my approval and compliments. You have what you call a typical school life. "What ? Typical you say ?" Yes, typical.
Maybe I'm a little harsh there. Perhaps to you, your school life was awesome , great. You may tell me all the pranks and mischief and trouble you've gotten into or tell me stories of the great camp fires, adventures and school activities you've been to and how much fun you had. Great! I rejoice with you! Anyhow, I reckon that’s just foreplay compared to the fun and shit that happens in my school, if not at least during my generation. They were not just mere pranks, mind you. They were whole operations carried out in an organized manner by a whole organization of hand-picked pranksters, masterminds and those who just hate the whole system that runs the school and have a devout passion to screw around with it. Operations are planned, mapped out and crafted by masterminds. Pranksters or rather, Field Ops Agents would then execute the operation. Of course, occasionally the Masterminds would join in the fun. All operations are executed under different circumstances and conditions. Together as a team, we screw with the system and not forget to piss off some teachers on the way. Here are 5 of our all-time favorite operations.
Operation Window Humper ™
Also known as Window Fucker and Nutcracker. A classic favorite still carried out by younger generations back in school, though not as often as we did. I am the proud founder, or rather, mastermind of this operation. This operation is painful and ravages the mind, ego and will or the victim. OWH is executed in 6 phases - Concealment, target identification, lure, Attack, constriction, humping and taunting. The element of surprise is paramount. 6 to 10 Field Agents (Pranksters) are hidden, concealed and on red alert, positioned in class to pounce on an identified target lured by a mastermind, most of the time being me. The mastermind would lure a target into the class by initiating the target in a stimulating conversation. Most of the time the target unconsciously walks and follows the mastermind into the class. All lights would be turned off and windows in the classroom would all be closed except one. When the target has been successfully lured into the class, all Field Agents are to scream “Window Humper!!! ( Most of the time the adjective ‘Fucker’ would be used instead)” and proceed to pounce on the target, constrict and carry him to the window. His legs would be put out of the window, with the window bar between his legs. 2 men would then push his arse to humping the bar of the window and on the outside, 2 men would be holding on to each leg and aid in keeping the humping momentum. 2 men would also be taunting the target-turned-victim. 80% of the time, victims would be drawn to tears. The other 20 % would just be mad. Very mad. Why do we love it ? There’s nothing more entertaining than a man, humping a window bar, arms wrapped around it and tears flowing from the immense pain inflicted on his balls. A moment of silence for all victims please…
Operation Strip Sucker™
Also an operation that would destroy the mind, ego and will of the victim. Inspired by my legendary OWH! , Strip Sucker Operations were carried out when a window wasn’t available. It was like a miniature version of OWF. A target would have to be identified and stripped down to his briefs or boxers (we like the surprise) . That was all to it. Usually it would be 6 or 8 to a target depending on the victim’s physical capabilities in resisting the attack. Victims usually put up a good fight before they concede. For that, we always get a good show out of OSS.
Operation Teacher Imprisonment™
A banned Operation only executed once. It carries way too big a risk and consequence to be attempted again. OTI was designed to imprison our physics teacher in the physics lab. We despised her. She was and still is a person everyone would love to hate. Our physics lab was situated at a separate building away from the main building of the school. We carried out our plan at the last physics lesson of the day. We who were last to leave the lab pad-locked the door handle with chains and left. We sure had balls, I tell you. Mrs. Physics teacher was trapped till about 4 pm before the janitor discovered her. She had no idea who did it nor had any evidence although she had suspicions of her own. In the end the 2 classes she suspected were punished, canned. Our balls shrunk and we vowed never to carry out OTI ever again, despite how much we longed and would love to do it again.
Operation Supersonic Wedgie™
The wedgie is a joke maneuver done to humiliate someone. It is inflicted when someone grabs the victim's underwear and pulls them up between the buttocks, inflicting immense pain to the anus. OUR version of wedgie was a Supersonic version. Instead of just one person pulling the underwear from the back, a Supersonic Wedgie is inflicted by 4 assailants. The victim’s underwear would be pulled from 4 sides - North, south, east and west, thus inflicting pain not only to the arse but also to the balls. The victim would normally be lifted off the ground and have his arse and balls pounded repeatedly by his briefs in midair (Works on boxers too) . Attacks last for about a minute. It feels like forever, as claimed by the victims.
There is a 7-Eleven store behind our school that conveniently sells condoms. A single Field Ops man would be assigned to sneak out of school to purchase one or more of the biggest size condom – Extra Safe. The condom would then be filled with water, tied up and thrown into the girl’s toilet. 90% of the time, girls would scream and run out of the toilet. We did consider carrying out the OC in the female teacher’s loo too but we knew better not to. A non-Extra Safe condom would sometimes be used if we wanted our condom water balloon to burst instead.