Sunday, October 15, 2006

The Dating Scene

"Jono! Get a girlfriend !"
"Jono! Why no girlfriend?"
"Hey Jono! Shes got a crush on you! Shes hot! What you doing!!!!"
"Idiot! Its so obvious shes flirting! Why the heck you turned her down!?"
"You need a girlfriend"
"You unavailable, rude, inconsiderate, boorish jerk! "

Got those thousands of times.

Today, the dating scene is saturated with short-term relationships. Girls and guys are getting into relationships with another merely over physical attraction and the thrill of being in a relationship or what they say "In love". Time, effort and money are required in sustaining a relationship and your feeling is the very expensive deposit. If it is short term, you should invest those on brownies and stacks of pancakes soaked in yummy maple syrup served with hot chocolate.

So Jono doesn’t date.

For me, short-term relationships are detours from living life to the fullest and it suppresses my social life; Being bound to one. So while keeping my precious female friends and my social life, I do not date. If we aren't ready for commitment, why get into intimate and romantic relationships? Why do guys and girls fantasize being in a romantic relationship, missing someone they have never met? I’m blaming it on Korean, Japanese and Chinese romance movies. What’s dating anyway ? Surely it is not merely just to sample different guys or girls? Shouldn’t there be more to “dating” ?

Still, we are humans. Flesh and blood. We long for intimacy. To be loved and to love.
I remember my huge crush. Maybe I was in love ! I remember my eyes lighting up whenever I heard her name. My heart would beat so fast, my ears would turn red. I would be flustered just with her standing in front of me. My mind would be on fire with curiosity and I would experience an inexplicable kind of happiness. Here stood a creature of my own kind. Her every feature comforted my senses and invited me nearer. Her eyes would look back into mine with soul depth. I’d become a wuss. I'd fumble over words and trip over for no reason, making her giggle and laugh at me. If I were in her presence, alone or with friends, consciousness and nervous energy would wash over me. "How’s my hair ? Am I smiling right ? Tucked in or not tucked in? Cologne? How should I sit? Should I prop my feet up to make me look more relaxed? Too casual? One foot? No that looks retarded...”

All I could think of was how I could impress her ? How can I stand out, to get her attention to notice me ? What was her likes and dislikes ? How many times did she brush her teeth ? I wanted to know all about her. I’d get envious when she talks to another guy and I’d fight for her attention. I wanted to cuddle up with her and to whisper sweet things into her ear and to tell her how much she meant to me. Oh, if only my fantasies were reality ! I could think about her and only her all day long. I would be willing to set aside my other priorities for her. It was thrilling and exiting but also miserable! It was hard to get through the day without her getting in my mind every few seconds. “What is she doing? Is she thinking of me?” I wanted her by my side, to take her hand. I could not help but feel lonely and incomplete even though I wasn’t.

So why do we have this drive ? Is it really love ? Or simply lust for something we want but cannot have? That drive can push us into intimacy but we would be rushed into a commitment we are unready for without realizing that we are putting our heart and feelings into the hands of the other person only to which it will either be betrayed, broken or neglected when we fail to recognize his or her true nature or discover an ugly side of the person. Suddenly, he or she is a totally different person you fell in love with. Suddenly the heat in your relationship burns out and you’re treated coldly and your feelings are pillaged. One day you wake up and your feelings are gone and you’re left out in the cold, again, lonely, unloved and unloving.

If you pair off without first going through acquaintanceship to friendship to being good friends then to close friends then your relationship has no foundation and you know what they said about the foolish man who built his house on the sand compared to the man who built his house apon a rock. The foundation in a relationship is of paramount importance. Without a strong foundation your relationship will crumble. And as cliché as it sounds, the foundation in a friendship takes time and effort to build. That way you will enjoy a true, deep and meaningful relationship with the one you love.

Jono doesn’t date but Jono likes girls! They're so attractive, pretty, hot and adorable creatures! It blows my mind that just by making eye contact, smiling, taking your hand or even calling your name, a girl can make you burn inside! Sometimes you see one you want to put your arms around and protect from the world. Sometimes you meet one who has wits, guts and nerves that make other pretty faces seem like an empty shell and pale in comparison. Wait, theres more! They come in many shapes, sizes, colors, races, proportions, backgrounds and virtues!

A person burns out after having his or her feeling broken, crumbled and thrown out over and over again. Their thinking would be

”I don’t like to deal with the games. If a girl is showing signs that she's interested in me, or even if she jumps on my head in the middle of a class, I'm not going to do a damned thing. I want no part of it. I'm tired of playing the game - trying to figure out if she's interested, trying to communicate my possible interest, all that shit. So I'm not doing it anymore. And if I miss out on a hundred girls who actually do have a passing interest in me, I don't care. If I am meant to be with someone, she won't need any of this shit.”

For my friends who are curious if I would date anytime- Since I'm off to Australia next year, no point dating now. I've made lots of good friends and established friendships to last a lifetime. No regrets. And contrary to what they say, you do not get lonely when you do not date! You’re only lonely because you have not truly related with your friends. Your friends are only those you have fun and laugh with. I would've probably missed out many opportunities to get to know a person if I had dated. I will consider dating once in Australia once I meet a worthy girl.

Alas, to all of you who I call a friend, you are regarded with my affection and trust and rest assured you are cherished and Jono will be available when you need him.


child_of_God said...

i agree with you. i myself also tend to get caught up with what everyone is doing....i should stand my ground. hehe.

child_of_God said...

oh ya. its Ian Lam here. Nice blog. hehe. u can visit my blog hehe but the things i write..mostly biblical stuff....check it out.

Anonymous said...

Cool speech..
How good it is if i have the half on what you have said.
But on what you have express shows that you have changed,someone that is "no more the old jon"
Well.. your word impressed me,thanks..
God with you!
-You old fren, Kethon

Anonymous said...

Heya, Jono! You really got ur feet on the ground there ! I've always admired ur brilliance and unique point of view on things... ur a really smart guy you know that ?I hope youd finally find a girl "worthy of your time and effort" as you said... ;D
Stay cool rock!

Anonymous said...

JONO!!! The girls are still after u and you come up with this ?!! outrageous!!!!

but its true what you said bout the dating scene.... no denying that..... all da best buddy !!!


Anonymous said...

Ah, dating can be such a bitch !

Anonymous said...

hey jon.just reread ur blog.well,i m a testimony to what u hv written.LOLZ!y rush n lie about things that would only hurt the other.usually its d gal who gets hurt.cos MOST guys are a pain in d ass.they do all they can to get a gals attention n then just when they've won d gals heart POOF!! D DEVIL IS REVEALED!! but there is one thing left that is hope.its true you know that if u are meant to be with the gurl there's no need for all that "whatchamacallit" but as a gurl n from my point of view a lil of persuasion my be needed especially when her heart has been broken before.btw,its me..HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY

Mc said...

True true true everything you said. Samore why pair off when not gonna get married or long term, wasting emotion and energy and money and effort.....

One thing "dating" with my girls in hang out, iknow....but no strings attached... that makes you aplayer ? hahahahaha... nah, if imma girl id love you too jono.... the music skills and all....especially the black belt karate....

I love you JOno. HAHAHAHAH gaying you, blog more ok ?

Anonymous said...

Impressed. You have a very mature mindset, a real man I would say. I still remember the little Jon whom I used to play with and now he has become a man. Cheers!

Jono said...
This comment has been removed by the author.