Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Playing Hard Get

Aaron gave Jasmine his card. "Give me a ring. We'll have coffee sometime," he said smiling. They have known each other at dance class for about 2 weeks now and Alex was really into her. This would've worked, say, about a decade ago ? It just doesn't anymore. His phone stayed silent. Playing hard to get is the new thing just as hand phones and sms'ing were a decade ago too.

Its Thursday night and Aaron calls Jasmine. He wanted to ask her out for a drink or maybe to dinner, if he was lucky enough. He dials her number and gets her voice mail. He was a little disappointed but left her a message. He tried to sound cherry. "Hey, hows it going Jasmine? This is Aaron from dance class. I wanna bring you out to coffee sometimes. Call me!" He left his number and hung up. 2 days passed and she never called back. On the 3rd day and she called and apologized for not calling sooner. She was "busy". Aaron says its nothing. He was just happy that shes calling. He asked her out for dinner.

"How about Friday?"
"Oh, I'd be occupied on Friday."
"Hmm, how about Saturday?"
"I visit my mum and bring her shopping on Saturdays"
"Erm, I don't suppose Sunday?"
"Ah, I'll be sending my aunt to the airport... sorry. How about next weekend?"

Whats with playing hard to get ? Girls and guys alike do it. They say love is a game and playing hard to get makes the game thrilling. They say its not the catch that is rewarding but its the chase that gives them the exhilaration. Women want to keep the interest and tension high and keep the pursuer at bay to appear more alluring and not appear to be desperate. Some also do so to "screen out" potential dates. Men do so to appear confident and and intriguing or to test how committed the woman is. This however makes the "Chase" part the focus when the "Catch" should be in the first place doesn't it ? I mean, are you after a relationship or what ?

So lets get this straight. They like each other, but they have to keep "holding their cards right", hiding their feelings and keep thinking of schemes and tactics to "bait" the other person. She has to hold herself back and not pick up or reply to his messages straight away as much as she wants to. He doesn't call back despite how much he wants to hear her voice and chat with her. They tease each other on and off and give each other a hard time. They avoid getting personal. He wants the upper hand. She wants the upper hand. Its a game of deception and mixed signals. A cat and mouse chase. A power-play.

I understand trying to create and keep that attraction between the two of you but playing hard to get for too long becomes a game of impossible to get for either one side of the party or both of you. Playing hard to get can spark attraction at first,I agree, but you shouldn't drag it out for too long especially after the both of you have established that the two of you are attracted to each other. The chase needs to bloom into a relationship. Either side will need indication that "this" is a sign of mutual attraction.

You might say "But, my relationship gets boring if I don't play hard to get and keep him/her guessing!" That doesn't mean you have to starting playing hard to get again. It means you two might not have that much chemistry or sparks as you thought at first. Maybe you do not have that much in common after all. Put extra work into keep the relationship fresh then. A special date, different format, etc.

I think its pretty obvious when a girl plays hard to get. Even if I'm not interested in her at all and just want to be her friend, off she goes and turns on the Hard to Get game. It's annoying. If I wanted to play games, I'd play a video game or go to the arcade. It's foolish. You'd just loose me or other guys as a friend if you keep doing it. There are other friendly girls out there, much prettier (theres always someone prettier) than you and not as ridiculous as you to play these games. So, cut it out. You wanna be friends or not !?


Leon said...

This is probably one of the coolest posts ever ! :)

I totally agree with you, but with all honesty, when people get to my age (late twenties to early thirties), i supposed their tendancies does reduce somewhat.

Usually if we wanna ask a gal for a date, we just asked directly, and if she says no, it usually means she's not interested. And we'll leave it at that.

Interested parties will usually respond with a yes the first time around.

I guess we have been thru much more than your age group, knowing that a simple date doesnt hurt, and how else can you know the other party better if you don't meet up and talk some ?

Well, just my two cents worth ..

Cheers man..

adrian said...

Cool! I agree with you too.It is just too tiring and annoying to be victimized in such 'plays'. But it is true that people at my age (late 20s) no longer play these games...to us they are immature.

My style is pretty straight forward; if I truly love a girl (provided she is unattached), I will make my way to tell her that I love her. Put my best efforts to win her heart...thats pretty easy isnt it? Why make life so difficult for each other? Haih....

Jo-no said...

Love?! All da way ?! haha... Dude, that'd freak her out playing the "love" card so fast eh !? But hey...whatever works eh!;D
Or I'm just not getting the context you're speaking in. You mean after knowing her yes ? hahaha...

adrian said...

haha....must be one step at a timela....You dunwan her to play 'genie games' right in front of you mah.....hahaha =D

I usually dont cast the 'love' card easily & that fast either. She has to prove that she is worth it for me to even give it a shot......