Monday, April 21, 2008

"OOHH....JOOONNOOO...OOHH!!!!"

We are oh-so-familiar with gay people. No, not the happy-and-enthusiastic type of gay. I'm talking about the homosexuals-who-want-to-stick-their-penis-in-forbidden-places type of gay that have attempted to do as such to yours truly.

Give me awhile to shudder at the thought...

We are also oh-so-familiar with the cheena people. They overdress in Japanese and/or korean styles, hip-hop and is usually heavily clad in bling-blings have their hair dyed blond. They can be spotted in malls and popular youth hang out spots. They travel in packs, speaking in tongues or what one might call, really badly broken English.

Give me awhile to shudder at the thought...

Inhale.

Now hold your breath.

It will only last as long as you can hold your breath.

This cheena friend of mine, he introduced me to cheena friend of his.

This cheena friend of his, I call him Gayna.

Gayna - A gay-cheena. A hybrid of the two breed of homosapiens I dread the most. The two breed of people whom I evade, run, and hide from, cowering in fear. One sucks you dry of your social life and another wants to stick scary body parts into your dorsal orifice. Here's one individual who wants to inflict both the said atrocious acts onto me !

"Jono, come come, I intro you to my flen. His name is 'Gayna.' Gayna, this is my good flen, Jono." Cheena friend says.
"Halo, nice to meet you," Gayna says, and offers a handshake
*Me thinks basic-*!%)@!$!-courtesy* "Um, hi..." and I shake his hand.

He was wearing black jeans and boots. He had on a pink singlet with big prints saying "Aqua sloshing," whatever that means, and a black coat with lots of silver buttons and rings all over it. His hair was black with white and golden highlights. Never for one second did he stop smiling and looking at me in the eye.

Everytime he sees me, he will run up to me and grab my hand and waist and moan. MOAN.
He would say "Jonathan! OOOHHHH JONATHAN... You are so handsomeeee! OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!"

Yes.

I shit you not.

You cannot make these things up.

He embraces me and moans sexual innuendos loudly!

We could be in the lab.

In a lecture hall.

In the canteen.

The library.

The cafe.

The hallway.

By the lockers.

In crowded areas.

I could be surrounded by my friends and he would still jump out and tightly grab me in whatever way he can then proceed to shamelessly moan. He will make any mother in labor sound like shes purring.

"JOONAATHAANN!!!! YOU FEEL SO GOOOODDD!!!! LET ME SQUUUEEZE UUUUU....OHHHHHH"

Golden-haired-gay-cheena flinging himself at you and moaning sexual things in public ? Scarier than flesh-eating-zombies or Samara herself.

You. Now you can breath.

I know I haven't.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

hi.. its me again.. if u still remember me.. anyway.. i hav something to say again.. to protect my 'species' (chinese who cant speak english.. )o 'cheena' as u said... "They travel in packs, speaking in tongues or what one might call, really broken English, both the male and female species of them(Gosh, god forbid, they start breeding!). " so wats ur prob with tat huh?? yeah we cant speak eng well... so???

Jo-no said...

Thats not the problem. Thats just a description.

The problem is that they are oblivious as to how their sense of fashion reflects their shameless vanity.

The problem is on SO many levels that I doubt I could lay it all out to you in one comment. I will blog about what a problematic cheena is.

But right now, the problem is with this overdressed cheena moaning. So, dont take it personally.

Jono

Anonymous said...

me again.. i m not talking bout their way of dressing... i dun dress like tat for ya info... in case i embarass u ... but "style" has ntg to do with language... btw.. if u think tat they cant speak eng y dun u teach them how to speak proper eng since ur eng is so 'dam' 'freaking' good. n about tat gayna acting like a gay.. did u ever think tat he did tis on purpose.. mayb just to embarass u.. mayb they read ur blog n felt insulted.. so they r planning to revenge.. ha... its ok 4 u to crtisize their sense of fashion (everybody has different taste though u dun really hav da rights to say tat.. but tis i ur blog so wateva) but u cant critisize their eng.... dun u feel tat they r brave?? to go study in aus even though they noe they cant speak eng (of cus they r brave bcus they dare to wear those outfits everywhere)...
lastly... sry to bother u.. n make u to read all these broken eng.. someday my eng will be as good as urs n mayb better.. heh..

Jo-no said...

hahah....I have a strong feeling I know you. Do I ?

Gayna's really gay. His friends all says so. And trust me, I know a gay when I see one.

"y dun u teach them how to speak proper eng since ur eng is so 'dam' 'freaking' good"
-Gosh. How old are you ???

"everybody has different taste though u dun really hav da rights to say tat"
-You call that TASTE!?! Dear sweet lord.

"dun u feel tat they r brave?? to go study in aus even though they noe they cant speak eng (of cus they r brave bcus they dare to wear those outfits everywhere)..."
-You call that bravery ? Id like to call it the cute word of "nincompooptancy".

"sry to bother u.. n make u to read all these broken eng.. someday my eng will be as good as urs n mayb better.. heh.."
-No problem. I look forward to the day.

P/S: Style and language are really connected in someways or another. Think about it. The cultures, language and fashion. They go hand in hand. Dont make me elaborate. Think more about the subject. Think more. Read more.

Meng Chong said...

Ooo....I would not argue with Jono. He's got his points all down and he doesn't speak about something he is not clear about. You can try if you want to. Try to process what he says and see the reason...Jonos a smart guy.

Jo-no said...

Aww shucks, MC.

Xin Yun said...

OMG,ur experience is scary... once my friend was being groped on the thigh by a gay too..

Anonymous said...

nope u dun... i noe bout ur blog thru a fren of mine an ex xavarian... sommore i m chinese educated.. u see..


ok fine.. i m just trying to scare u haha...

Gosh. How old are you ???
er.. do i really need to ans ur question?? cus mommy says dun giv out my personal details on net especially when u r arguing with a 'smart guy' on his blog...


You call that TASTE!?! Dear sweet lord.
who noes.. the world is changing.. evolution of human being.. mayb in the futhre everybody will dress like tat (woo scary...)
ok tis is my own little theory on y do they dress like tat: chinese r not as smart as wertern ppl u see its a fact... ok imagine when u find tat tat particular 'species' is better than ur 'species' n u so wish tat u can be as good as tat 'species' wat can u do??? copy... so u said thoes cheena are " overdress in hip-hop outfits or bling-blings or Korean/Japanese styles together with their blond-dyed-hair. " indirectly they r actually imitating the western culture... just tat they r a bit off track.. so my conclusion is u shud pity them to hav such a bad taste... ok not too long i m not here to ardue over how do they dress o bla blaa bla i cant stand those ppl either i mean who dress "la la"


yea... me too... so any tips for me on how to improve my eng??

Style and language are really connected in someways or another. so u r saying tat ppl who speak chinese will dress in da same way?? n ppl who speak eng wont dress like tat??? ok true.. i mean majority they r.. fine i loss.. but its not their fault to speak broken eng kay.. aww mayb i just feel insulted when i read tis "speaking in tongues or what one might call, really broken English, both the male and female species of them(Gosh, god forbid, they start breeding!). "


" He's got his points all down and he doesn't speak about something he is not clear about. You can try if you want to. Try to process what he says and see the reason...Jonos a smart guy."
to be a smarter person.. u hav to talk to a person hu is smarter than u ... so u can hav upward comparison which may help in improving urself ...

btw.. synchic here...

Jo-no said...

Chinese and western. Both humans. It is wrong to say one is smarter than the other. Enough said.

Style and language are not connected but theyre both connected to culture. They deserve MORE than pity. They deserve to be rebuked.

Being smart is subjective but the smarter one is very apparent in THIS case, if you catch my drift.

I can really debate the whole topic but I see no point in doing so nor am I compelled to do so anymore. I can only take it that you're feeling insecure and insulted. It was not directed to you, but you took it to yourself. Blame yourself. If you feel it neccesary, stop DEFENDING yourself and start IMPROVING yourself. Self improvement, they call it. I am rebuking you. If you take it as me being mean, well, that proves one thing - Shallowness. So don't.

Lastly, to improve your english. READ READ READ.
Stop watching cantonese/taiwan/korean/japanese dramas. Vain.

Cheers

Jen said...

Ooooo....Theres something going on here...lol...

Anonymous. you can keep trying. But, you're really hitting shallow water here. You're not even getting what jono is trying to say!!! I don't even think you get his "drift". Lol... You're humorously typical.

Take his advice and hush :)

Anonymous said...

thx for ur advice... : )

ha dun worry .. i will... i mean self-improvement..

wat makes u think tat i cant get his 'drift' my eng may not be good.. but i m not stupid..

ok fine... feel tat i m not welcome here..
i m 'hushing' now as u wish....

Anonymous said...

oops sorry.. er to interupt again... y r u rebuking me??? i assume its because the little theory.. ok mayb i had used the wrong word to explain it.. "smart" but who is leading da world now?? which country?? think "historically".. those contries are stronger than countries in Asia... mayb u can think as a chinese-educated chinese then mayb u will get wat i said...

well.. to be honest i think i dun really get ur 'drift' ... oh wait i think i get.. i will not deny tat the less smarter one here is not smart enough...


"You're humorously typical."
glad i make u laugh...

n u guys r so harsh, so i better hush.. haha isnt it funny... lol

meng chong said...

See why Jono cannot stand this ? You dont say a stronger country means the people are smarter. Haiya see ?Thats very narrow minded and shallow thinking. Youre just look at the surface lah...and Jonos not going to reply dee

"I can really debate the whole topic but I see no point in doing so nor am I compelled to do so anymore. "

Anonymous said...

i said i used da wrong word... wat i meant s strong.... sorry i had used da word "smart"..
tats my prob with eng.. i just cant think of da right word when i need 1..
if u stil think tat i m shallow n narrow minded.. then tat means we cant really communicate very well...

it is so nice of u to reply anyway...

Lynn Tan said...

either you don't get the idea that there is no point arguing or you are just arguing your way through to just prove what is said wrong because you felt it was implied on you? the blogpost was just a personal opinion, why did you take it so personally, albeit your statement "this is not personal" ....clearly you are contradicting yourself. and the way you communicate, and dress most definitely show the character and personality you are.

Anonymous said...

okay.. my main point is... dun make fun on ppl hu cant speak eng well...

i wont deny tat i over-reacted... by taking it personal... sorry again..

i m not talking bout style n language n personality... i m talking bout style n language.. there r only two variables.. hehe...

Meng Chong said...

which part of DESCRIPTION did you not understand ? dont answer. I dont wanna know.

Style language personality. whatver. its all from culture as stated.

Anyways you took it personally you poor insecure thing. End of story.

Anonymous said...

i m not goin to ans.. cus i think i understand every description...

er.. how to say... mayb when u r describing.. can u mind the words tat u r using... bcus sometimes it may sound insulting... u disagree with something doesnt mean tat u can describe them in tat way...

did i say er "write" something tat was rude??? y did all of u sound like i did some thing wrong?? o mayb just bcus i m shallow-minded?? hhaha..

pls dun feel tat u hav to reply...

i started da story in da first place.. i shud end it.. by saying thank you for being so responsive... lol... nice meeting all of u.. btw

the end~

Meng Chong said...

HAHAHHA! GREAT. Now i owe Jono 20 bucks. He knew you must have the last say....lol!